Okay, okay. I’ve finally reached it. I’ve come to the end of my relationship with social media.

As many of you know, I laid the hammer to my Facebook account a couple weeks ago (see my previous post). It has affected an amazing change in my life. Productivity, focus, clarity, a renewal of my own spirit… holy crap. Try it folks, you’ll find your humanity again.

But as with rehab, cold turkey is a harsh mistress. I had to wean myself. So I opted for Facebook Lite, or – as the rest of the world knows it – Twitter. Ol’ Twitter is still simple, or so they tell you. One hundred and forty characters, and that’s all you get. That’s the end of it. Its restrictions are its freedom. How’s that for irony? I’m generally up for a good social paradox, so Twitter’s well-defined boundaries pleased me. Plus, it didn’t suck me in nearly as much as Facebook and I could recoup some of my lost time.

However, a trend is developing quickly, and I can see now where it will end. Twitter will be overrun, just like all social networks will, from now until the end of time. I think it’s because I have seen that human nature is pervasive, far more so than I ever anticipated. I’ve come to my final conclusion that social metrics (the completely insane and manic process of measuring something’s worth by the social attention that it attracts) make me sad.

As I watched my nephew play with my big toe and make fire engine sounds, it became painfully clear. (For further evidence, look to your right. This is what I’m sayin’.)

Perhaps it will happen differently, and perhaps it will take a while to develop, but greed, the battle for total internet power, and plain old curiosity are a volatile concoction. It will always, forever, absolutely – and you bet your sweet caboose, missy – explode in our faces.

So, I’m quitting Twitter. This happened much sooner than anticipated, but what the heck. Life can be a real unexpected ride.

The truth is, I’ve discovered a new and astounding product that you should all try:

The Mysteriously Soothing Salve of Not-Knowing!

Can’t you see it? I’m picturing the mustached man in the three-piece suit and his poofy-haired wife with large bosoms, hopping off their dusty, rickety wagon and putting on a well-rehearsed, exuberant display for the townfolk about the healing effects of their Miracle Elixirs and Super Salves. Step right up! See for yourself, folks! Absolute one hundred percent guar-ON-teed!

I’ve gone and slathered the salve all over my brain, and hoo boy, let me tell you partner, this is startin’ to feel mighty fine. At first it leaves you feeling a bit emptyish, like my tummy around three o’clock in the afternoon or the social outcast who knows he’s missing out on Friday night’s festivities. But after that sensation passes (and it always, always does), he begins to realize he has the time and the ability to think for himself, and that he’s able to determine his own path, regardless of what the masses think.

And that’s when he starts to become useful.

I’ve not yet matured to the point where I think I have some new and magical social theory to bestow on the public, for you can bet that if I did I’d certainly be all over Facebook and Twitter telling you about it. Sadly, it’s nothing that dramatic. But it’s quietly revolutionizing my life, and more importantly, my mindset.

The Mysteriously Soothing Salve of Not-Knowing^® is a fine product, operating mostly on the rejuvenating benefits of its main ingredient: uninformedicillin. Uninformedicillin is a potent form of non-threatening ignorance that renders the user both happy and not in the know. It’s a margin-maker, a space-creator, the sort of thing that starts to show you that you do indeed have time to read, make that phone call, go for a stroll, or sit on your porch and count the twinkling stars.

I’m sure there will be lessons learned and hurdles to leap along this path of antiquated thinking, but I have to say, I’m genuinely excited.

I am not worried that I’ll be completely in the dark, mind you. I still have television, radio, email, telephones, text messaging, and the U.S. Postal Service. I’ll be just fine. I just won’t know what everyone’s thinking. My chances of enlightening conversation are going to skyrocket in the coming months (ponder, if you will, the sheer volume of things I won’t be privy to), and as a writer -

That delights me.

• • •

Epilogue: I’d like to note that I used far more than one hundred and forty characters to explain myself. Suck it, Twitter. I’m wordy.