In a media landscape littered – nay, riddled – with snark, scandal, and cynicism, there breathes a literary voice so unique, so honest, and so inescapably her own that it forces me, at numerous points during a read, to take a moment to catch my breath from laughing and savor the absolute purity of a true Southern humorist.

And it’s fan-dang-tastic, y’all.

Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning columnist and author of four books. I discovered her Stop Dressing Your Six Year-Old Like a Skank in a Barnes-’n'-Noblian brand of cosmic convergence, happening upon her book as a result of someone who’d put her book down on the wrong shelf. The book’s cover was hot pink, definitely marketed towards females and instantly causing me to question whether or not it would be a good idea for a skinny, creative fella with spiky hair to have electric pink books tucked under his now-less-masculine arm. I battled with my own perceptions of sexual identity for a few moments, but the title bested me. Any woman who refers to someone else’s daughter as a skank deserves my full and undivided attention.

After conducting a tasty little left-field interview, I specifically asked Celia to shamelessly plug herself to my fantastic corps of readers. Here she is:

“Lord, y’all, you just have to buy my fifth book, You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Mornin’, when it comes out in September. And follow me on Twitter. And check out my web site, www.celiarivenbark.com for updates on where I’m gonna be and stuff.”

So please, do yourself a favor, pick up one, two, or all of her books. If you’re looking for that beach book that will have you snorting at the shore in with your Aunt Sissy and your hairy-backed Uncle Todd, look no further.

10 Questions For Celia

1. If you could smack one celebrity/politician/athlete in the teeth right now, who would it be and why?

Oh, it would have to be George W. Bush. Why is this man not wearing an orange jumpsuit and hanging out in a supermax with that freakazoid Cheney? I’m just saying.

2. Is it the proper Southern Pronunciation for banana pudding “‘nana puddin’,” or “‘naner puddin’?”

Well, nanner puddin’ is preferred. Otherwise it sounds like a Yankee grandma pudding. Nana, indeed.

3. Is there such a thing as class (i.e. the state of being refined, having couth, etc.)?

I’m afraid so, but it’s not to be confused with having wealth. In the South, we have many ways to distinguish this from country-talk (“He doesn’t have good raisin’”) to the somewhat snootier sounding, “Well, that’s just COMMON.” If you’re really wanting to put down some lowlife, just say, “So-and-so just makes me taaaaaarrrrd.” As in “tired.”

4. What is the greatest compliment you’ve ever received about your writing?

Well, it damn sure wasn’t the time (true story) that I went to the fish market and the clerk wrapped up my shad fish in my own humor column. That was humbling. Comparisons to Erma, Dave Barry and what’s-his-name Sedaris are always day-brighteners.

5. I have some Yankee friends who think Southern accents make people sound dumb – do you agree?

No, and you need better friends.

6. You recently wrote a column about preachers who’ve been pontificating about the sexual schedules of their congregants. Have you received any fun mail because of it, and may I have your permission to make frequent use the term “the devil’s aerobics?”

I had one letter from a woman who said there was nothing “devilish” about sex, that preachers and God know that’s why we’re all here. And all this time, I thought it was so someone would be around to enjoy Tivo.

7. I love words and language. What do you foresee for the future American English?

I’m mildly concerned that the whole txtspk thing is getting outta hand. My daughter, now 11, and her friends speak only in initials (“OMG, BFF!”)

8. Do you write every day?

Yep. And always in pajamas.

9. Is Britney Spears gonna make it?

I’m rootin’ for her. Her music and politics don’t do much for me, but she’s really a good redneck Southern gal at heart and she’ll be fine as long as she stays away from KFed cuz he has that freaky Atomic Sperm that can impregnate a woman from, like, 50 yards or so.

10. When attending a church-hosted covered-dish supper, what do you zero in on first?

Phenomenally good question. I’m a huge fan of the Tater Tot Casserole and home cooked butterbeans (savory) and the aforementioned nanner puddin’ and buttermilk pie (sweet).