Ruth: Hi Charlie! The silence is deafening. Would that have anything to do with your screenplay?
Charlie: Dear madam, I apologize for such thunderous silence. You are right, I’ve been neck-deep in projects lately, finishing up a rather large one that’s claimed the last six months of my life. The screenplay has gotten off to a great start, although I am now faced with a decision: do I hurry up and finish it or do I let my deadline pass and come back around in year? Typically, I don’t like to put things off, I find they rarely find completion. Any advice on the matter would be most appreciated.

Ruth: Ah, the quagmire of deadlines and too little time. That’s actually the playground of the Grecian goddess, Nemesis. You could define her as your arch enemy. Your exact opposite, but with a disquieting familiarity. We are often our own worst enemies, no? But beyond the Greek underworld, we have to reside in the real one. Can you realistically crank out the rest of your manuscript with less than a week to go?
Charlie: The truthful answer is no. I can’t. Not a phrase I’m fond of using in any capacity, but in cases like these it’s best to use your head in conjunction with your heart. I want to write a really great screenplay. What I don’t want is to write a shabby one just to squeeze it under a deadline. I think my new goal has to be to submit for next year’s deadline and really put together a bit of cinematic joy that I would actually want other people to see. For example:

“All things will be produced in superior quantity and quality, and with greater ease, when each man works at a single occupation, in accordance with his natural gifts, and at the right moment, without meddling with anything else.“ – Plato

Isn’t it funny how some things, when they’re said, smack you with its inherent, timeless truth? Take that, Facebook.

Ruth: The bottom line is to never live under the tyranny of “I should be doing this”. Instead, wake up and ask yourself “What do I want to do with this gift of a day?” It’s a small but life-changing shift. If you don’t give yourself a break, who will?
Charlie: Ah, now you’re getting down to the quick of my character. I’ve often heard variants on the “give yourself a break, Charlie” mantra my whole life. Often it makes me feel like others know something about me that I don’t. I rarely ask for help and I don’t like giving myself breaks. Not sure where that comes from. But I like that little shift. I think that’s very important.

Ruth: Putting yourself under a microscope is akin to opening up Pandora’s Box. But Socrates knew better than anyone that “the unexamined life is not worth living”. Which brings me to yet another loaded question of the day: if you suddenly found yourself traveling down the well-intentioned road to hell, what would yours be littered with?
Charlie: Isn’t it odd that the road to hell would be unkempt. I guess that makes sense. I keep seeing empty, crumpled up bags of potato chips. Isn’t an empty, crumpled-up bag of potato chips the worst sort of litter? But anyway, I believe mine would be littered with hopelessness. I’m sure hopelessness takes many forms, depending on whom it is currently afflicting, but I am of the opinion that that is the worst malady any one of us can have.

Ruth: Charlie, do you have In ‘n Out Burger in your part of the world? My route would be paved with their wrappers. Earth’s most tempting cheeseburgers, delectable fries, diced, fried and salted fresh to order, and a dreamy chocolate milkshake. It’s a feast fit for Hades all right!  A flaming, massive caloric intake without the good intentions. And to seal the deal, Dionysus, the god of gluttony would be right behind the cash register ringing up my sale. Alas, if only I could pay with a pound of flesh. That would be a fair and (hopefully) even exchange.
Charlie: No In ‘n Out Burgers in North Carolina, but I have eaten there before. I’m sucker for grease joints, something juicy from the grill with cheese and multiple condiments. I do think that there are things in this world so good and tasty I would hate to see the health-Nazis take from us, and burger joints are one of them. My personal fave is a place called The Penguin here in Charlotte. They have unique fare like peanut butter and banana sandwiches on Texas Toast, their very own homemade pimento cheese, and fried pickles, which are their bread and butter and one of the most delicious treats you’d ever want to try. Mm. I’m suddenly hungry.

Ruth: At the end of that hedonistic experience, I’d have to invoke Nike and her fleet feet, to burn off the calories. If all else fails, there’s always a toga.
Charlie: Too bad the Greek gods were out burning calories and scampering about the heavens, they probably don’t know the rumbling anticipation of a drive-through line or the taste explosion as you bite down into a burger, fully-juicy and with just a touch of pink at the center. Their loss, right? Although not long after one of those high-calorie bad boys, I bet ol’ Hypnos would be fast asleep.

Ruth: Come to think of it, was there such a thing as a Greek god with a weight problem?
Charlie: Yes! Adephagia, the goddess of gluttony. I suppose it’s a bit of a leap to assume she herself had weight issues, but I can’t think that anyone championing the state of limitless culinary indulgence could possibly be slender. Perhaps that’s why she needed to deify herself. Room to grow, you might say.

Ruth: Aphrodite possessed a legendary girdle, rumored to have seductive powers. Zeus only knows what tricks she had stashed in there! Charlie, if you could become a Greek god, who would you be?
Charlie: The Peloponnesian heavens only know what delights lay under Aphrodite’s nightie. Be assured that I will spend a better part of the hour coming to my own conclusions on the matter. But if I were to be my own Greek god, I’d have to go with Apollo. Musician, poet, and romantic, oh my. But I’d want some Poseidon sprinkled in, so I could teach Zeus how to scuba dive.

Ruth: I would choose Athena, easily the wisest of the gods. Just imagine dominating Alex Trebek on Jeopardy! And never needing to do a Google search again.
Charlie: I love the idea of being the wisest of all gods. It implies that certain gods might possibly need remedial help on godhood. And as long as I live, I don’t think sweeter words would be said than these, from Mr. Trebek: “And finally, Athena. Your answer was ‘who is Richard Simmons?’ That’s correct!”