It’s that time again. Time to peek under the hood of this well-oiled machine and see how people are making connections. You may remember a couple months ago when I first started this delightful tradition. I must admit, there’s so much to be learned from what people type into that benign box on Google. There are a bunch of regular, everyday search terms that make the list, but the ones I’m singling out are without a doubt the cream of the crop. Enjoy.

1. douchebag last names —VonWilderhoffsen, Borger-Henrickson, McMasterhoo, Whipstatler, and all the like.
2. man outhouse sex stories — I mean, like, um, gross. Nothing, and I mean nothing good is associated with this. If this becomes a book, I quit.
3. sauerkraut smell bath — This is without question a disturbing search keyword, and conjured up images of tepid bathwater filled with backyard cookout condiments. A rubbery ducky covered in ketchup. A washcloth peppered with bits of green relish. Ew.
4. suck it hand gesture — Someone trying to introduce new offensive hand gestures into the vernacular. I applaud their originality, but think perhaps looking it up on Google reveals its inherent weakness. Possible alternate gestures: The Stick-It-In-Your-Piehole, The Eat-My-Shorts, and the Yeah-Well-You’re-Ugly.
5. fish n chip paper + kindle — This, honestly, I have no idea. And I’m a pretty serious Anglophile. Is this about fish ‘n chip paper? Is it about fish ‘n chips, a newspaper, and a Kindle? Is Kindle the name of some Swedish woman the man buys his fish ‘n chips from? Is he madly in love with her?
6. making wine — Whoever got to my site by typing this in was almost certainly disappointed. I wonder if they meant whine. Ohhhhhhh.
7. is emasculinity a word — Of course it is. It’s on one of my posts, therefore it’s real.
8. signs he wealthy — I love this one. Some girl obviously wondering if her new beau can afford to take her out to Red Lobster this weekend. Here’s my tip: If you have to ask, he probably ain’t.
9. cartoon characters with names — I enjoy this one for the fact that it made me wonder if there are any cartoon characters out there without names. Look, up in the sky, it’s *low hum*.
10. my wife is a douchebag — I can almost smell the whiskey that accompanies this search. I’ve got to stop using the word douchebag in my posts.
11. hiccups before death — The clinical definition of “the least of your worries.”
12. laser cakes — Oh, man, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this one. This could mean anything. This could be an interstellar term of endearment (“Come over here, lllllaser cakes”), a new offering from the Little Debbie R&D department (“Blast the cafeteria competition to bits with Laser Cakes!”), or quite possibly a struggling indie-emo band from Manchester.
13. christ is coming for dinner — Whoever she is, this is one terrified housewife. Martha Stewart can’t help you now.
14. sophia loren in–the nude — There’s nothing I love more than a pause for dramatic emphasis in a Google search. Sophia Loren. In the nude. Oh yeah.
15. black woman sitting on toilet — I honestly feel shameful that someone can find my site by typing these words.

So, yes, there we have it. Another fine installment of Charlie Pratt’s Search Word Roundup. I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. Please keep ‘em coming, because honestly, it’s good for my soul.